hmm... make it very quick

 

moms in physical therapy for a week, if she dosn't get better then surgery

she has also been spending the money we had stored back

she refuses to give me any of the money due to current situations

 

damn it...

 

  Well it has been quite a while since I have last posted any sort of update on here. Seeing as it's past four in the morning I will probably try to make this kinda quick, so that I can get to bed (also, that I have forgotten what all I was going to say so...)

  School has finally let out, which of course leads us to the wonderful burning summer months. I hate summer, not cause we are out of school but because I have nothing to do during it. Last time I worked around my grandmas house, complete wash down, wasn't bad but come on...I forget what day we are suppose to go get our grades from the school, really wish they would just send them in the mail, but ah well. I already know that I passed Spanish so, nothing to worry of really just as long as Cook counted all that work that I turned in. Should be A's B's and a C....SHOULD.....

  Anyways to the rest of the stuff....here recetnly I have been listening more and more to the things going on around me, namly whatever my grandma yells about to herself. I heard mentioned my mothers name and the issue of money several times. Constantly day in day out I see my mom come to my grandmother and ask her for some sort of money.  Sadly though grandma herself has been running out of money at an alarming rate, due to each of her kids in some way fucking up their lifes (one had two kids before she was able to do anything, one had 10 kids but don't rely on them at all thankfully, one has a large history of drugs but is getting on his feet, and the last one has hiv and needs monies for medicine..haha)

  Now this wouldn't bother me so much if my mom was a bum, but she isn't really she tried hard to get things to go her way and make money. Economically though things really seem to have tooken a turn for the worst. I remember walking home the other day and seeing that we owe the fucking land lord another 500 dollars (we pay 125 a week for some stupid reason even though it's a shit house...but we can't leave without my brother bitching over not being able to play his drumset in a place we can afford) ...we owe other bills and then an outrageous phone bill (thanks to me and a mistake in my moms reading, but they don't care if we pay it or not at the minute for they have tooken just the internets and long distance) Also we have been having trouble with our car off and on, piece of junk...

  Here recently my mom has been having trouble with her feet. Something about some kind of weird swelling or something of the other. Seeing how she works as a waitress this is quite a horrible incident :P ...whats worse is that the docters say that if it's as serious as they think its possibly at, then she will end up being layed up for months after some kind of surgery, which will kill us of any income we have. My father is no good. It was discovered back in december that he had a tumor on his spine and it was effecting his leg movment (only reason he went to the docs in the first place.) They removed the tumor but he is now in some kind of rehab for the next year, making the little child support he would actually pay drop even further. As for my brothers father, he is a no good who can't stop drinking and get his shit together so that he can go out and get a job. In the years that we have left him he has never once paid child support of any sort, and now that he has racked up over three thousand dollars worth he won't even try to get a job to pay it off. True story said so himself over the phone with my brother.

  We have relied on our grandma as a back up (living with her mostly all my life really) all of our lifes. Now with this lack of funds there has been talk of me getting a job myself, which has no real problem with me. Though I didn't wish to work so early, I had my own plans for any money that I saved up this summer. I was to go to Spain next spring break as a class trip, but I dont' know what this is going to do now if I must put any funds made towards the house...I'm slightly worried over this.

  What I believe should happen is one of the following.

 1-My brother puts his stuff in storage and we move to another place, someplace a hell of a lot cheaper then this run down shit house we have now. If it means having to follow some weird community rules, so be it, for I rarley am outside...

 2-My brother moves (he cost the most money to make happy, plus because of him is why we live where we live)  to live with his dad and aunt  (which won't happen, for their entire family thinks of nothing but theirselfs, and though it seems impossible my brother would actually starve before they would take care of him), mom and I move out and move into something like lised in the first choice.

 3-The same basically as number 2, but I move out here to my grandmothers leaving my mom alone to be able to sort things out. Not having both of us would make life a lot easier on her, but we still be able to see her, due to the short distances between all the places. Because I do not crave much I won't have to spend all of grandparents/moms money (much like now)

 

 Of course none of those things will most likely happen. Things will continue till we are kicked out and have everyting shut down to us...sorry I don't have the most faith in yah mom...but tho this is the most challenging thign laid beore us yet, you actually look ready to "give up" this time. Which I can't blame you if you do.

 

Well..eh thats the update I suppose, learn something new everyday yah yah. Don't belive there is really anything of importance else to add...I miss school somewaht, not being bored that is. and my friend...who epicly told off the teacher on the last day of school....she said she would be on but hasn't been and it's breaking my heart....*sad face here*

 

Oh yes and I must have Rozen Maiden, I love that series now. I'm gonna get it someday ~ Desu

 Here I lay, once more incredibly tired, but once more got some things on my mind. I can't really say that I've had a rough couple of weeks. I mean after evertyhing was sorted out with Tara things really seemed to improve. My week was a hell f a lot better this time around than last years, where I lay everyday crying on my bed from where my ex broke up with me. I have a few people to thank for stoping that from happening again this year. Anyway though I should probably start with whats been making me so mad.

   First is my mother. Now I love my mom, glad that she is still around and I'm glad that she has taken care of me for so long. Just I notice here recentley she has been doing some pretty stupid stuff and making some shitty decisions.  A fine example is leaving her car doors unlocked all night. Now I wouldn't say that tis was astupid if we didn't have anything important in there but we do have a lot of shit witour our names on it. then of course we have a decent cd player in there. As for the rest of the car it's justnk. Now I know I don't live in that bad of a neighborhood, this is a really small city. But we all realize that there is people willing to break into your car because they need a little extra cash or are trying to impress their friends. Just last week someone was sneaking around in our car trying to remove the cd player. She acted like she didn't even care. Plus, what really just kind of sets  me off too is that she don't seem to careabout the thougth of it being stolen. We've had to rely on others all of our lives for transportation. I'd really like to not have to go back to asking grandma for evertyhing again.

  Another thing, I understand we don't have money and that she is somewhat busy. hen it comes to my trip to Tijuana, I've been pretty understanding. This time though, when we got the money in Febuary and you wait till the week before to get my ticket, that's just stupid. I blame you for evertyhing happening with Diana. If it wasn't for your fake promises, maybe she would had waited just a little longer. I love you to death, but your not being forgiven for this one. It's complete bullshit. 

  Now before I rant about my brother, let me tell how I see him. Truthfully, he is one of the nicest kds I know. I've never meet someone so kind to just everyone. I swear to god. His harts in the right place, but he just makes some rather dumb decisions sometimes, which is stupid of him, he serioulsy is smarter and more talented than me. Although, Aaron, you have to be able to clean up after your self. When I come in your room there shoudln't be a bunch of trash laying around stinking it up. Second, you need to respect your family more. You can't keep ignoring mom when she ask you to do something for her. She fucking provides you with almost everything you want! Just bitching about something later on will not get someone to rush out and buy it for you. Really you need to think about others before you do something. We know that you are good at the drums, but we don't want to hear it all day. I remember when we were walking down the hall after school and you started smacking that cowbell. Instatnly about seven people told you not to play it, then several more outside. The thing is loud and personally I think you are the only one that enjoys it at all. Just think it all the way out before you do something. Don't just fart when your sitting around mom and I Don't do that loud laugh, it's no where near that funny. Finally for the love of god when you just got inside the house from playing outside don't just sit down at the computer in your boxers!. your fucking sweating and you stink, evertyhing don't need to smell like you.

  Also, watch who you hang out with. I like that little loud mouth friend of yours too, but when you're around him you need to get some control over him before he gets you two beat down. I have a feeling that the more you hang out with im, the more guility you are going to look.

  Finally Andre there are some problems with yourself. Right know you know you are basically being raped by karma. You've done a lot of stupid things in the past year. You really must stop living your life for other people. I know you don't have any goals or anything that you are intrested in doing after highschool, but you know you don't want to live the life of a hobo. Why can't you find something you yourself wants to do? You can't continue to want to live someone elses life. Remember what happend last year? You was completly lost on what you was doing anymore. Also you can't always look to Diana or Tara for emotional support. Have some fucking confidence in yourself! And study, computer will come later. Not going to be able to do shit if you don't get your ass in gear. Do you see what I mean by not living someone elses life? You only think of the present, but if it comes to Diana or Tara you happily think of a life with them somehow be it lover or just friend. What you need to do is get that old you back. The one from before puberty. he was complelty alone and was self suffiecent. You didn't care about anything back then. Stop being so emtoinoal too. I know it feels good to be able to let it out all these emotions but it's making you weaker. You have to live yourself. Jut think about those things in the future you need. If you don't, you'll end up just like the rest of them.

ok ok...i give up on this week. it's really been nothing but shit ever since i got out of school friday. It somehow has actually gotten worse then last years spring break where i was depressed in my room everyday not wanting to move...woohoo... i'll be doing my work, other than that though i think i'm going to try and stay away from the human world for a while. adios